fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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