I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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