Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
