She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
