The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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