i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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