JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize