hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
