Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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