The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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