I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
