no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
