Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
