angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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