Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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