girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
