Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
