You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize