she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
