Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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