Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
