This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
