so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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