Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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