Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
