Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?