I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie