i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
