so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people