You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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