Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.