operation harelip BJ is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
