I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
