Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
