i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
