Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
