Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
