I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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