And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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