Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
