I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
