he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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