the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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