I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
