god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
