the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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