please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
