Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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