There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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