You can't motorboat a personality
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
