I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
