he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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