he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
