Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
