Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
