I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
