I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
