I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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