I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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