a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Alive.
So much puke
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
