First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
how does that bad decision feel?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
