I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
