I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
