this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
