They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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