Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
