i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
