its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
