Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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