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New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
