How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize