Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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