i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
