The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
