I am puke
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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