He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
