Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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