Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
