Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
