It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
