Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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