Farmville is her only friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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