I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
