I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
