She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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